peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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