We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
