i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
