Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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