Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
