sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
