Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
