so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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