she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
