So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
