no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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