What did we do last night that was yellow?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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