im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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