even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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