Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
