you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
