My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
