all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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