While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
