were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
