True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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