that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
