I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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