I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
