Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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