Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
