if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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