He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
