ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
