The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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