I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
