So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im holly from the hills drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
