Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
