4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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