He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
