The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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