you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
