Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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