I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
