i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
