Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
