I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
