NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
