I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
smell my finger.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
