honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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