you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
