I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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