she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
