But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
