every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
