Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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