she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
