For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is Oprah even human
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
