i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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