Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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