two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
