Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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