M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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