I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
