I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
