She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
