my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
