On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
