i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
