I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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