What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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